[He needs to breathe, swallow down whatever spittle is stuck in his throat, make his lips move. His heart races in his chest, knees weak. He nods his head, laughing purely on nerves; it turns into a whimper.]
I-I'm okay. I... We've met, you and I. Thank- Thank you...
[Neil's next sob sounds nothing like a laugh. He's never experienced grief, only caused it. His knees feel weak, but somehow, he keeps himself upright. He tries to slap the tears off his cheeks, shake his head through them.]
I shouldn't be crying like this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
[ he's never been truly good at comfort. alucard can be kind. gentle. even sweet. but he's never been warm. his own sorrow, his own grief that hasn't faded over hundreds of years is still etched upon his brow. and though he loves over and over, he loses over and over.
and yet. here he is. he reaches out to rest a hand upon neil's shoulder. ]
[It's more a grounding touch than he's used to from adults like Alucard - or, perhaps, adults that are nothing like him. The words remind him of something Mr. Keating might say, and that just makes him want to cry harder. He still tries to suck it up, look brave, but...it's not very convincing.]
Maybe there is no way to end horror. But at least people can be protected from it. Feeling sad, feeling scared . . . You should feel that way. And also know that I am here.
[ alucard isn't just saying so. trevor belmont saved him with kindness. a generosity that can never be matched. none of that had anything to do with his fighting capabilities. ]
Do not measure such things with combat and blood. You measure it in smiles. In joy.
[Neil knows better than to take genuine words as platitudes, but it still doesn't feel enough to simply make someone smile. If someone strong - physically, mentally - like Alucard hadn't swept in, Neil would either be dead by now, or something else entirely. He can only fight with his hands, and a schoolboy's punch can only do so much damage.
[He tries to accept what Alucard says. He really does try, but...
[Well, he nods, at any rate.]
You're right. I...I get what you're saying.
[But does he believe it?
[He can see he and Charlie's manor approaching over the hillside, a welcome interruption. With his hand still shaking, he points it out to Alucard.]
Just up there. I...won't wander off again like that. Best to stay inside, measuring things that way...
[ alucard is no fool. hearts and minds don't change in a day. but he said what he said. perhaps eventually, it'll sink in. for now, neil is rattled and upset. rightfully so. alucard will see to it. ]
A charming place. Reminds me of England, a little.
[For reasons Neil is either too old or too young to understand, Alucard's parting words bring tears to his eyes again. He finds he has to bite his lip to keep from sobbing, but he manages. A lump remains lodged in his throat. He just can't seem to swallow it down.]
Thank you. Alucard. [His voice is quiet, almost a whisper, as if afraid someone or something else might hear.]
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[He needs to breathe, swallow down whatever spittle is stuck in his throat, make his lips move. His heart races in his chest, knees weak. He nods his head, laughing purely on nerves; it turns into a whimper.]
I-I'm okay. I... We've met, you and I. Thank- Thank you...
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Take your time.
If you want, I will escort you to your home.
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Neil. Neil Perry.
[Does he remember? He says it like a 'thank you'. He'll say that too.]
Yes. Please. And thank you. [Desperately earnest.]
I'm not a fighter, I... I've had no idea at all what to do.
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There is no shame in that.
After all, that is why I am here.
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I-I can't thank you enough. I didn't mean to get caught out-- caught out...in it. In this.
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None of this is your fault.
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I'm afraid. You're so brave, but not me. Not this.
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I am not brave. Merely used to the horrors. And I do not see the shame in fear. Why would you not fear them? Why would you not wish to run?
Is that not how one should feel?
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You're right. Still, I... I just wish I could help.
There are some I know, even, who now... Now, they're... [He gestures usually, sucking in a sharp breath.]
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[ dracula's change never bothered the world. just alucard. because alucard had known the father, not the monster.
but then again. maybe he just transformed into an unknowable monster. no longer the monster he knew. ]
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I don't want them to die. I don't want anyone to get hurt.
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[ quiet, affirming. and yet. ]
But it happens anyway.
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I shouldn't be crying like this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
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and yet. here he is. he reaches out to rest a hand upon neil's shoulder. ]
Never be sorry for a feeling.
This is what people fight for.
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What do you mean...? What people fight for...?
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Maybe there is no way to end horror. But at least people can be protected from it. Feeling sad, feeling scared . . . You should feel that way. And also know that I am here.
To shield you from the rest.
[ like his mother had wanted. ]
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You're like a superhero...
Thank you.
[There's a brief glance around. He seems to remember his circumstances, arms wrapping around himself in a tight self-hug.]
I...I'm just a few minutes walk down that way. [A shaky point with his hand.]
Could we-- Would...you still walk me home? Please...
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[ no superheroes in the 17th century so far. alucard nods, gesturing for neil to start walking. ]
And of course. I will ensure you make it back safely.
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Just like any hero, but with...[He tries to think of how to word this.]...extraordinary abilities.
They're only fictional where I come from. Really, I just meant...someone who saves others like that. It's noble...
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There are many ways to save others. Humans have saved me many times as well.
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I'm glad. I'd like to help people somehow. I try to. When I can...
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[ alucard isn't just saying so. trevor belmont saved him with kindness. a generosity that can never be matched. none of that had anything to do with his fighting capabilities. ]
Do not measure such things with combat and blood. You measure it in smiles. In joy.
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[He tries to accept what Alucard says. He really does try, but...
[Well, he nods, at any rate.]
You're right. I...I get what you're saying.
[But does he believe it?
[He can see he and Charlie's manor approaching over the hillside, a welcome interruption. With his hand still shaking, he points it out to Alucard.]
Just up there. I...won't wander off again like that. Best to stay inside, measuring things that way...
[A weak laugh. He doesn't mean to be sardonic.]
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A charming place. Reminds me of England, a little.
Stay safe. The dark never lasts forever.
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Thank you. Alucard. [His voice is quiet, almost a whisper, as if afraid someone or something else might hear.]
I'll see you later. I hope? I'd like to.
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ough...wrapped...